


Beautiful

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-29
Updated: 2004-11-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 01:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12071277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Justin and Brian meet under different terms.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

*Justin*

Today is the day I leave I can't take it anymore. The pain the lies, the black eyes and the hurtful words I don't know how many times I cry my self to sleep. I can't keep making daphne come over after he beats the shit out of me, I wish I was never born maybe that way I could leave this hell I call my life. I can't even breath when his around I feel like if I do I'll get hit so hard I'll never wake up . at times I wish, so bad that he would just kill me cause this isn't love. if it is I never want anyone in this world to love me again.

And then I think about daphne and she loves me and never has hit me or hurt me in anyway.and that makes my heart hurt so much.

I love her so much.

But I know she pity's me and I really hate that. it's been so many times I wouldn't even call her, for that same reason because when she come I didn't have a clue when the tears would stop if they ever would.

And that makes me hurt even more.

 

I live in a houes with my sister, and my mother, and my father. whom love me very much even after they found I was gay. my dad acted wired for some time, after a while he notice I didn't change I just like guys and that was ok cause he loved me no matter what.

I think if he would of stop talking to me I would have died . and I don't think I could handle it, I'm glad my family still loves me. I think Molly of all people are more happy about me being gay then myself. I think she just likes all the hot guys that I let her meet once in awhile.

I think I love her the most.

One day I was at the mall with Molly. and we where in the pet store. and molly's acting like the dogs are the most wonderful pets on earth when I bump into this guys side and this really cute guy turn around. he was really nice and from that day on my life turned around.

Never to be the same again.

Ethan and I dated for 2 years and at first every thing was good. and he treated me like a queen. in sweet way with out me feeling like a girl.

Everything was perfact for a year in a half . I got the flowers, dates and lots of presents. and the most beautiful sex I have ever had . not that I have been with alot of people,but what I did know was he made me feel so good.

 

He Used to.

And then one day in school, he was a grade higher then me. so he was in collage my senior year in high school, I was 17. and I just loved that he had so much talant and I love him for loving what he did so much, cause his music was his life and He love it.

More then he loved me.

Until all I ever feeled changed. It was three months before the concert of his freshman year and he was the only freshman to be pick to play. so I now he was stressed,and anger. and just down right being a total shit . one day he blow me off again to pratice, and I was pissed so I want to a club. 

Ethan was never into clubs but he went some time cause he knows I love to dance. and I had been in the club for some time now and I guess ethan called and my mom said I was out. and then he called Daphne and she said I went clubing and he just got pissed. and come to the club looking for me and when he found me I was dancing with this really nice guy I know from school, and he was getting ready to leave and he kissed me on the lips. a littie to long, for Ethan and he come over and grab me by the arm and said we're going, I said bye to Alex.

And thats when Love become pain.

Ethan got me to his place. I was telling him about Alex, and then out of no where he started hitting me like I was the beach and he was the waves. and my face was the most hated thing in his life.

I didn't even cry I just sat there and look at the floor and breath as best as I could. and he sat on the other side of the room looking at my face and my arms and my chest where he has bite and tore and slaped around for ten minutes. I can't move. and then out of no where I start to breath in short gasps, and tears start just running down my face and I'm shaken every where and I'm so cold.

I just start saying 'Take me home now' and I'm crying and I'm getting scared. I start to yell just so I could get him to look at me so he would know I was for real. and he does and he has his own tears in his eyes, like a fool I ask him 'Whats Wrong' not caring that my body feels like a Mack Truck has just hit me and backed up a good five times or more. and I hug him and tell him I'm sorry.

I stay the night with him too. and after that the littie things would piss him off. me being late or too early or seen with a male friend from school. or just the fact that I'm still alive what ever the cast, it's been two mouths since I left him and we moved back to Pittsburg. I'm so glad Daphne mover here as well. it's good. know we start PIFA together at the end of summer.

I'm Still Alive cause of her.

Daphne and I are going to Liberty Diner tonight it's a gay diner. she said it looks fun, and full of hot guys knowing her I'm sure.

I walk to meet daphne at her place, as she walks out she gives me the longest hugs know that I left ethan like she wants to make sure I'm still here.

And I am.

 

" You Like Beautiful Justin "

 

"Thank you " I said thinking to my self that it took along time to get the inside that way as well. as my bestfriend and I drive down the street to enjoy the rest of the summer.


	2. Beautiful

AT THE DINER

"Look! there is the waitress from last night."Daphne said poniting behind me.

I turn around to see, my arm hit the guy in the sit behind me in the back of his head,all I could think was 'Shit'

*Brian*  
********

I'm listening to Mickey whine like always when I feel this small but hard punch to the back of my head "What the FUCK!," I yell that last word to let who ever it is know I felt that shit.

"I'm So Sorry Sir, I am I'm really sorry," He said touching my head to make sure I'm not to badly hurt.

"Brian are you ok?"Deb say's coming over after hearing me Yell.

"Yes beside the hit to the head I'm fine and you?" I ask the boy how just tried to kill me. ok I' know I'm over doing it a little.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Mickey ask getting in the kids face I haven't seen yet cause my heads still not facing him, I would if I could but with Deb mothering me and Mickey in kill mood it's kinda hard.

"I'm Sorry I wasn't trying to hit you I was just looking at Deb Really I swear," he said in a soft but honest voice.I turn around to give the kid a break.

when I notice the most beautiful blue eyes looking at me asking me with his eyes do I believe him and I do.

"It's ok, I'm fine see no blood," I said and I swear the whole talbe and Deb looks at me.

"Are you sure?" he ask a bit scared.

"Yes. I'm sure."I said looking at him straight in his eyes.

"Justin his fine."his little friend said I knew this cause my whole gaydor is going crazy and so is my dick and my dick Never lies.

"Are you ok,"she ask Justin.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just feel really dumb," he said blushing.

"Sunshine, it's fine Brian has a head of rocks he didn't even feel it."Deb said smiling and everyone else laughs even Justin and I see why Deb calls him Sunshine.

"Ok, as long as his ok." he said

" He is. Now how about something to eat. then we can talk about that job your looking for."Deb said, getting her pen and pad out.

As I watch Debbie take Justin's order I notice this boy is fucking sexy as hell. nice ass and smile and he looks so fuckable in his Old Navy jeans and a t~shirt that say's 'Natural from Head to Head'.. on the back it says wanna see? I do.I'm not sure what this is I'm feeling but it's warm like taking your first shot of beam and I can't help my next words.

"Excuse me," I say to the two teens at the table behind me.

"Yes!" they say in unison then look at each other and smile.

"Aren't you guys a bit young to be in these parts?"I said.

"No, I'm 18 and Justin here is 19 he'll be 20 in 2 weeks. if we're too young aren't you kind of...," 

"I wouldn't say the rest of that if I was you,"I said.the little shit laugh at me.

"How old are you anyway.....like 28,"Justin said. this kid is smart.

"Deb this kid's Breakfest is on me,"I said, poniting at Justin.

"Thanks."he said blushing.

After everyone ate,talk some more and from what I could hear Justin is going to be working at the diner. it was time for me to go I had some last minute work to do for the picth in the morning.I got up and paid for my breakfest and Justin and his friend I smile at him on my way out. I guess Deb told him I pick up the tab because as I'm getting in the Jeep he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks, for breakfest" he said looking at the side of the Jeep

"Sure. anytime"I said, not knowing where that come from.

"Really?' 'he said, with his ocean blue eyes.

"Yeah"I said

"I'd Like that,"he said looking at me for the first time.

we stay like this for what seem like hours but was only seconds.

"I guess I'll see you around?"he said.

"Ya you will"I said.

"Ok"he said

"Later, Justin"I said getting in the jeep and starting it.

"Later Brian,"he said smiling.

As I watch him smile I drive off hoping Later is Much Sooner..


	3. Beautiful

*Justin*  
**********

Ok it's been 3 weeks since I start working at the diner and believe it or not it's fun,having guys hit on you giving you huge tips thinking that will make you give them your number. to be honest I'm waiting to give my number to one man and one man only Brian Kinney.I have found a lot about him since I started working here will ok it's more bits and piece, like he has a kid name Gus he is 3, Brian is 30 years olds his an amazing Ad man/partner at his firm and has a loft on Tremont and is every gay mans wet dream the thing that makes me sad the most is hearing he doesn't do boyfriends.

Ok I know I just mat him once and I have no right to be thinking about being in a relationship with him but I don't want to be just a trick to him.I want to get to know him I most be standing here looking really dumb because I hear Deb yelling my name.

:"Sunshine!!, do I need to light a fire under your ass?"she said getting some orders that were up.

"Sorry Deb I was thinking,"I said wiping the conter.

"His was away on Business he got back yesterday,"she said.

"what?who?,"I said a little confused.

"Brian,that's who you were thinking about"she said.

''No..I..was,"I was trying to say something what I don't know.

"Justin..It's ok I know I've seen young man drool over Brian more then once it's nothing new..but you it's different you really Like him but I'm telling you not to get in to deep Brian isn't ready for a boyfriend maybe when he grows up but not now,"she said standing next to me.

"Why does every body talk about Brian so negitive his isn't perfect and nethier is anyone else, he just hasn't found that person to light a fire under his ass."I said smiling.

"Justin. Sweet heart you are that fire,"she said,winking at me.

I hope she's right...

I hope she's right...


	4. Beautiful

*Brian*  
*********

God, I fucking Hate Business trips I really do. all the fucking ass kissing those jerks do it's a fucking shame I swear if I ever get like that I'm going to have Mickey kill me.. I'm looking arond the loft and it feels so good to be home. my bed,my shower,my jeep.

As the voices feel the loft from my voice mail I listen to Mickey calls about nothing and I have to laugh to myself, because If the world ended right now Mickey would only be worried about Comic books and Me and I have to say if no one else Loves me or Care Mickey will and at the end of the day that's all that matters. I think back to the time when Mickey and I was together I'm glad we stoped before it went to far. Mickey said that he'd die if we ever stop being friends and I have to if we weren't I'd would have Die a long time ago.

As the voices fade and it's a pause in the air as if time just stopped for a second to catch it's breath, Debbie came on.

"Brian sweet heart ? how are you? I'm calling to tell you about dinner Saturday around 6 ? you better be there *Debbie paused for a second which seems weired cause we are talking about Deb*Brian could you bring Justin you know the kid from the diner he like you and I talk to his mother and this has been a hard year for him and he seem's to like you and his mother is worried about him. so could you please do me this one favor? I'm giving you his number please call him but don't tell him I told you too ok? well kiddo I have to go.Love you and Thanks Brian." 

As I write Justin's number down not sure I'm going to call him but Deb never ask me for anything and since she saved my life it's the lease I can do.

later after I take a Shower and eat and relax I decide I should give Justin a ring it is Thursday and she did say Dinner was Saturday at 6 as the ring rings for the second time I hear a young lady pic up the Phone.

"Hello" she said 

"Hi, is Justin Home?" 

"May I ask who is calling?" she said

"Brian.Brian Kinney I mat him a few weeks ago at the diner"I said just in case he doesn't know who I am. buti'm sure he didn't I'm kind of hard to forget.

"Did you say Brian?"she said in a way that had me confuse and thinking I had did something wrong.

"Yes. Is everything ok?"I asked.

"Yeah.Sure.I'll get Justin, hold on."

As I'm waiting I can hear her them Laughing and Justin saying 'Oh My God' which Daphne then said 'I swear he's on the Phone' I'm guessing he didn't forget me. I wait a few more minutes and I hear someone take a deep breath and pick the phone up.

"Br...ian?" Justin said a little slow

"Yes. Justin how are you?"

''I'm...good. and you?"

"I'm much better now," and I was.

"So what do you want?" he said but before I can answer he starts talking again.

"I didn't mean it like that. Shit. I'm just shocked that you called that's all. but I'm gla d you did if that makes any since at all."

" Yes it does. I'm calling to ask you would you like to go with me some where Saturday ? it's nothing big and then after we could go to Woody's for a drink if you want,"

"I'd like that but are you sure? you don't even know me that will"

"Yes.Plus I was thinking you could come over Friday and we could talk and get to know one another and if you decide you don't want to go with me Saturday I'll understand,"

"Ok. that sounds good. I have a shift at the diner Tomorrow I get off around 8 is that ok?"

"Sure. how abou this I'll pick you up at 8, in front of the diner "

"Ok, that's great I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yep.Later Sunshine"

"Later Brian"

I'm hanging up the Phone but before Justin can hang his up all the way, I hear him and his Friend yelling..

'Kids' I say out loud....


	5. Beautiful

I'm having that Nightmare again the one when Ethan broke my ribs and give me too black eyes.I can't believe it, these dreams are suppose to be gone I'm over him I moved away why are they coming back??? it's been almost 2 mos.since that last one I don't understand I'm happy and things are looking up for me. Maybe that's why because I'm happy.My parnets and I are getting along will. I got the Papers saying that I got into PIFA and telling my about campus App. I'm getting a Car in a few weeks my day's helping me with that. I got a Job I love and I mat someone.

That's it I'm Scared what if Brian turn out like Ethan? what if he Hurts me I can't deal with that again I just can't. How can Love hurt? or is it only like that with Queers? getting beat,and being chatting on it has to be. My dad never hit my mom and when they would fight before things got to out of hand Dad would leave. when he got back things would be ok. but with Ethan all I had to was look side ways at him and he'd be all over me.

My Immortal  
I'm so tired of being here  
suppressed by all of my childish fears  
and if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
because your presence still lingers here  
and it won't leave me alone

I Remeber the Very first time he hit me I was scared and confused. it was like I did something so wrong,like being who I was when he mat me wasn't what he wanted any more but he had no ideal how to tell me to fuck off. 

I wish he did because it would of saved him and me a lot of pain,mostly me. he come home from school and I was working on a project.he use to coming home to a cook meal. But not this day I was so into my work I had this ideal and I had to get it down I had to draw it. so when he got home I didn't even hear him come in and called my name. he was talking to me and I never heard a word he said, he was telling me about his day or something to this very day I don't know what he was talking about.

He come up behind me and smack me in the back of my head. I turn around because I'm scared and confused . he started smacking me around and he pused me down and kick me I never cryed not this time, not in front of him.after I sit on the floor for what seem to be days but was meer hours. I got up to check on my art and it was runied. Ethan had riped it up and Splash paint all over it. 

I was more hurt by him   
Disrespecting my art then hitting me.  
I guess I figured out then that he never love me.But I never listen to my heart.so I ended up fucking myself in the end but at the time it was so much I didn't know about him and Life.

These wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase

So once I take a shower and clean up my face *who said black eye's weren't art* I painted what I looked like I have so many paintings of that time in my life I could open my own show with 50 paintings per show.but that's apart of my life and when it's all said and done I'd never change a thing, because it's made me the person I am today which is strong and proud of who I am.  
But Yet this man haunt's my mind at night,pushes his way in my life to take away things I haven't even got yet. 

when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me

I want him to go away I want this Nightmare to be over.

You used to captivate me  
by your resonating light  
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

I want my life Back I want to be Loved with out being hurt, I want my Heart back.

these wounds won't seem to heal  
this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase

But yet his words haunt me.

when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears  
and I've held your hand through all of these years  
but you still have all of me

'' You'll never be loved by anyone"

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
and though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along

"You're the reason men bet there wifes, the reason my music isn't right, the reason your art is for shit. I hate you Justin. everything you do will turn to shit, I promise."

I guess at some point he was right about my life turning to shit it was with him .

Lyrics By Evancence  
My Immortal


	6. Beautiful

"Justin you gotta wake up, your going to miss your date with   
Mr.Hottie"

"Daph, I didn't get any sleep last night. I had the fucking nightmare again"

"Ethan'' She said. more then asked.

"Yes,I don't understand.It's been over a month and I'm fine I'm happy. I have this date with Brian later, Why is this happen?"

"Oh baby, I don't know. Maybe it's because when ever things are getting good with you, Ethan came along and fucked it up and since you're so used to that you just expact it to happen now.But Justin I Promises Brian will not let nothing Happen to you" 

"How do you Know?"

"It's something about him Justin, I trust him with you. I trust him not to hurt you," she said with this far out look in her eyes.

"Really! I got that same vibe about him too.it was like I wanted him to know me...to hurt me"I said. lowingr my head because as fuck up as it sounds.. it's true

"Justin...Wow...nuff said"Daphne said coming and sitting on the bed next to me.

"So you gonna take a Shower soon?? cause you stink"She said plugging her nose.

"Fuck you!!" I said Jumping my smelling ass on her

 

Meanwhile across town........

"Deb I know 6 no later...yes...I'm not going to fuck him and drop him off.....Shit...yeah, well Deb I'm not asking for any Fav here......No....the Art show, a snack....Fuck Deb...His not Gus....We all know Mel has the Bigger Balls....I won't start if she doesn't........yes...yes..ok...Deb?.....Can I bring anything?.....ok..I know."

 

Shit Debie takes alot out of a person when you talk to her. I better call Justin and tell him I'm going to be a little early which is very wrong in my book. but it's a first for everything.

**RING RING RING RING**

"Hello"

"Hi, Daphne"

"Brian?!?!?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry I didn't think you knew my name"

"If I was Straight I'd fuck you so of curse I know your name"

"Oh Briaaann"

"Justin home?"

"Yes,I'll get'em"

"Ok"

"JUSTIN, BRIAN IS ON THE PHONE HE SAID GET YOUR BUBBLE ASS OUT HERE,"

I think I like this girl...

"Here he comes,"

"Thanks Dahpne"

"It was my pleasure"

"Hello"

"Gawd Justin you could have got a towel, now your dripping every where"

"So your Dripping..i like that"

"Hi Brian..Sorry Dahpne"

"It's Ok. if someone told me Brian was calling, I'd run naked and wet too"

''Bitch,Hey Brian!!"

"Hey ya Sunshine"

"Sunshine?"

"Ha?"

"Are you Smiling?"

"Whaat?..."

"Will are you?"

"Yes"

"Then that's why"

"Thank you!"

"So are you Ready?"

"Almost, are you not coming cause I'll understand"

"Slow down Justin.... the thing is I'm on my way right as we speak..."

"Oh...why?..I.. mean ok"

"Why? we need to start our date a little sooner, because Debbie Order us to be at her place for Dinner at 6"

"We can cancel if you want Brian if you already had Plans"

"Justin I swear if you say that one more time I'm gonna think you don't want to go out with me and That will be first for me so is that the case?"

"NO!, I just don't want to get in your way if you have something else to do"

"Did you not hear me say she ORDER US for dinner meaning You and I"

"Oh.. you told her we were going out?"

"You mat Debbie"

"Yeah"

"Nuff said"

Justin found this funny and began too laugh.

"Whats the Address because I just got in the car"

"it's 369 Lincon you know right by PIFA"

"I know the Place, I'll be there in 10"

"Ok..and Brian''

"Ya"

"Thanks...if i forget to tell you I had a Good time today"

"Aren't we Positive"

"Bye Brian"

"No"

"Huh?"

"It's Later Justin Never bye.Because you'll see me again"

"Ok..Later"

"Later"

As I hang up my cell I'm looking forward to this date with justin it's the first for me and I'm not sure what to think and that's ok..


	7. Beautiful

Author Note: There is some talk of Unsafe Sex and Rape...Thanks for all the emails about this Story it means a great deal to me...This is for T because you are Truly Beautiful...

* * *

"I wanted to say Sorry about Friday Something come up and I couldn't make it I should have called"

"It's Ok. you came today. that's all that matters"

"So how did you like the Art fair?"

"It was great! I didn't Picture you the Art type"

"I'm not"

"So why did we come?"

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes"

"Then there is your Answer"

'' You did it for me?"

"I did it with you, I give it a shot it wasn't half bad"

"Maybe we can go again sometimes"

"Maybe"

"So what are we going to do for an hour and half"

"Are you Hungery?"

"Yes I'm always hungery"

"Will go and get a Snack and talk if you want"

"Ok"

********Coffee Shop********

"So 14 that's a young age"

"Yes it was. so how old were you?"

"16"

"Really?"

"Yep..I wish I had waited"

"Why?"

"Wrong guy"

"What he didn't call you or he kicked you out"

"He...Umm.."

"You don't have to tell me"

"He beat me"

"What??..Why?" I hear this and I feel Mad I want to go and find this guy and kick his fucking teeth in what on earth could Justin have done to make him hit him.

"Just because... it was Monday or I didn't answer him faster or I.. I"

"Justin...I'm Sorry"

"It's ok it's not your fault"

"Shit.. where is this guy?"

"His in Philly"

"How long ago was this?"

"A few months or so"

"Are you ok Justin? we don't have to go to Deb's tonight we can just talk or I could take you home if you'd like"

"NO, I wanna be with you..I mean here or where ever, I'm fine"

We Never did make it to Debs I called she said she understands and that Next Sunday no if and's or Dicks....I better be there with Sunshine. We talked about everything about how Ethan use to beat him and force him to have sex how he raped Justin so bad he had to go the ER. how when he was 17 Ethan let some jerk from his High school bash him because he seen Justin talking to another guy that he later on found out was his Friend...he use to burn Justin with lighters..how fucked is this guy? and he would make Justin have sex with him and not use a condom... Justin hasn't been able to let people touch him for sometime but here he is letting me hold him..... 

I even opened up about my Family and how fucked up they are I told things to Justin that not even Michael knows and I didn't feel like a Fuckin' Dyke he makes me feel things I've never wanted to feel before and he makes it ok. he makes me ok..I wanna say so much to him I want to be there for him But I don't know how not very many people was there for me When I really Needed it...But I'm doing alot of things tonight that aren't me so why not one more....

 

"Justin I'm Sorry, I am. I just feel like I counld of help you. I want to be there for you so Bad But I feel like there is someone else better for you and I don't understand I think about you all day long I dream of holding you,Kissing you... telling you my ever fear I want to wake up with you I want you to be the first one I talk you in the morning, and the last one at night.

I want to be everything you need I wanna make you smile when you want to cry and it scares me that I feel this Way I never wanted to and i tried hard not to but you come out of no where and we started talking. with the longer we talk I liked you more and more because you like me you have been hurt by people that are suppose to love you and take care of you but they just hurt you I wish I know why they did.

I wish I did so I could fix it or make it better But i can't and that Kills me to hear you dislike things about your Body that I adore and I've never seen it or touch it before. I don't think it's fair for us to have so much pain on our hearts but we do and If i could I'd take all yours away because your Perfect to me in everyway.

I don't like the feeling of not making you feel better Justin. I don't, I hate it .maybe I'm just fucked up for feeling the way I do about you... but I can't help it's there and I can't ignore it"

"Brian...I.I don't know what to say"

"Don't say anything. let me love you if Only for tonight... Stay with me Justin.."

 

Justin didn't say anything he just nodded his head I got up off the floor and reach for his Hand he put his smaller one in my larger one and trusted me and let me Make love to him all night not the kind of love you read about in books or the kind you've seen in some Bullshit Movie but the Kind that makes your heart beat faster for no reason, the kind that makes you forget what your doing at the sound of the ones name you love.....the kind that would never hurt you. only protect you from the world and show you ever inch of it at the same time....Justin cryed..and I didn't look at him Funny or kick him out like most people would think.I held him and whisper loving words in his ear let him know this is how he is suppose to feel, That I don't know what love is but what I'm giving him and feeling for him isn't to far from it...


	8. Beautiful

As I wake up, I notice it's early. I turn over to check and make sure I didn't wake Brian up. I didn't. I watch him sleep for a few minutes, until I get the courage to get up and go find paper, so I can sketch him. I don't want to forget any line of his face and the curve of his arms and the lean muscules in his legs, because I'm not sure if I'll ever see anything so close to beautiful...to perfect again.

I don't know what happened last night and, at this point, I really don't care. I'm glad everything happened the way it did. I'm glad I was in love or loved, it's the best feeling in the world. It was so good I wanted to take my heart out and give it to him for safe keeping, to hold when my feelings get the better of myself. But now, this second, this moment...it feels so right being here with him, beside him.

Brian said he loved me last night. He said it a few times while we were making love and when he thought I had fallen asleep. I heard the way he breathed it, like a sigh of relief, like he'd been waiting all his life to say it, maybe not to me, but he didn't protest that it was me. 

I wish the world and his parents weren't so cruel to him. He is an amazing person and he gives so much of himself, though he likes to call it small doses. I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. Brian, on the other hand, has every right to feel the way he does about love, about life. The most important years, where you usually learn the most...his were filled with hate, pain... 

As I watch him to draw him, to get each line just right, Brian moves a bit and I hold my breath, because I don't want him to wake up. I want to get this picture just right.

"Are you almost done? I have had to piss for an hour." He says, not moving from the spot where I've been drawing him.

"What? You've been up that long?!"

"Nope. Longer."

"Brian, I'm sorry, I was thinking you were sleeping."

"It's ok, you can keep drawing, but first I need to pee."

"Oh my...Brian, go!" I say, getting out of his way so that he can get off the bed.

"Thanks. I'll be right back."

As I watch him walk to the bathroom, I get the urge to draw him as if he was some kind of Greek God. I know he must be in History books...somewhere...for whatever reason.

"Justin?! How did you sleep?" Brian yells from the bathroom.

"I slept pretty good, you?"

"I slept better...then before."

"Before what?"

"Just before."

''Oh.ok"

"Justin...umm...how do you feel...I mean about last night?"

"I...understand what it was, that you give me...It was for one night only, nothing more, nothing less. I'm fine with that." 

That was my first lie to Brian. That what we had last night means nothing. I feel so much more for him. 

That isn't a lie.


	9. Beautiful

It's been three months since Brian and I started sleeping together and I have to say it's also been the best time of my life. I wish I could explain so that everyone could understand and feel how I'm feeling. I swear, it should be bottled and given to be shared by all.

 

I do have feelings for Brian, I have had from the start, but so far so good. I haven't let them get in the way of us. I think everybody else knows how I feel about Brian, because there have been times when I have seen him with tricks and I have had a mini showdown with him, but mainly with myself. After a few talks with Debbie and Daphne, I realized I can't get mad at him, because I agreed to this. See how a lie can fuck everything up?

 

But I have a boyfriend now, so whenever I get the nerve and wanna flip out at Brian I just call Jason up and we dance till the sun comes up and I swear I love that about him. He's a poet and a damn good one.

 

As I'm walking home from work - home being with my best friend Daphne -, I have to smile to myself, because I'm doing pretty damn good. I have school starting in a few weeks and I am having sex with the hottest guy on the face of Earth! Brian Kinney. And I have the sweetest boyfriend in the world.

 

I know that doesn't sound too right, but Jason knows about Brian and he understands. Besides, I don't have sex with Brian as much as I used to, because I'm really starting to have strong feelings for Jason.

 

That's when I realized I have to cut things off with Brian and soon. I'll do it tonight. We have a small date, I guess, or a meeting, because Brian doesn't do dates. Of course.

 

As I walk in the door, I see my roommate all bubbles.

 

"Hey Jus!!" She says, running over to me with a vase of flowers.

 

"Hey, what's this all about?! You finally got Matthew Stone to pay you attention or are these flowers for you to leave him alone?" I tease, smilling because she hates when she has a crush and I make fun of her.

 

"No, ASSHOLE!" She says, hitting me in my arm. And I have to grab my arm, because for a girl she hits hard!

 

"Then what are they for?" I ask, finally looking at her.

 

"There for you, from Jason."

 

"Did you read the card again?" I inquire, because she always reads the card.

 

"No. I didn't have to this time. He got me some as well, jerk!" She replies, hitting me in the same spot once again.

 

"Where is my card then?" I ask, looking around the flowers for my card.

 

"It's on the table." She says, reading what I guess is her card from Jason.

 

"Thanks for putting them in water for me." I say, taking my card off the table and into the living room.

 

"Sure, no problem. Oh Brian called. He said to let yourself in. He's working late."

 

"Ok, thanks."

 

As I sit down to open my card, I smell it first and it smells like fresh fruit.

 

Dear Justin,

I wanna be with you tonight. Justin, please, meet me at the lake. You know the spot. 8'clock. Don't be late.

Yours,  
Jason

I read the note a few more times to make sure I'm not missing anything and I'm not, but there is so much that is not written that is meant to be said and I have to step back and look at my feelings and see what I really want from Jason.

After a shower and starting a drawing, I have to say I wanna be with Jason, I mean, just him and I, so I guess what I have to do is cancel with Brian and meet Jason.

I have to Call him...

''Hello?"

"Brian?"

"Justin, who else would answer my phone?"

"No one, I wasn't...never mind. Can we meet another night?"

Ok, what the fuck? He never missed a meeting of ours, why the change now?

"Got school work, Sonny Boy?"

"No, It's just someone else I wanna be with."


End file.
